A is for Affirming & Advocating - ABC's of Inspired Volunteers

 A is for Affirming:

Caregivers are heroes of the highest caliber. There is no one-time heroic rescue that brings instant fame.  Day in and day out, night after night they quietly give up their lives to care for their loved ones.  Visitors and family focus on the patient and his/her needs, but nobody needs affirmation and assurance like the beleaguered caregiver does.  They need to be reassured that they are doing their best.  They need to hear us affirm that it is hard.  They need someone to whom they can vent when they find that they can’t maintain the long-suffering, saint-like demeanor they often expect of themselves.  They need to be reminded that they must make time to take care of their own needs.  They may need permission to be less than perfect.  Sometimes they simply need someone to look beyond the patient and ask, “And how are YOU?”  That is where the inspired volunteer comes in.

I think of Karen* who faithfully took care of her husband through years of dementia.  All she asked of her volunteer was a couple hours of respite care while she made her monthly trip out to lunch with her girlfriends.  It was a wonderful break for her, but none of her life-long friends had a clue what she was going through.  She found it painful to sit through their complaints about ingrown-toenails and spider veins when she’d been kept up night after sleepless night by her husband wandering the house and falling in his declining condition.  Her volunteer made it a point to never leave until she’d allowed Karen a chance to open up and vent about the difficulties.  Knowing someone understands can make burdens somehow easier to bear and give one renewed strength to go on.

I picture Betty* who faithfully visits the nursing home three times a day to feed her husband his meals.  I see Francis*, her sister, who visits the room next door at least twice a day.  She is visiting her ex-husband, the father of her children, and after visiting, she takes his laundry home.  Neither man recognizes the sisters and yet these wonderful women serve on faithfully.  They need someone who will speak on behalf of the men and express admiration for their devotion and  dependability.  They need someone to quietly point out to their granddaughters what fabulous role models they are blessed with.

I’ll never forget Clara* who so lovingly cared for her husband as dementia took its toll despite the fact that her own body was ravaged by cancer.  Love was never manifested more powerfully.  Not only could her volunteer offer respite care, but a listening ear, an understanding heart and the reminder to take care of herself also.

Volunteers  can make a difference for  caregivers.   Volunteers  can their lighten their loads.  Volunteers can give weary family members the assurance and the affirmation that they need to carry on, because even angels need advocates!

A is also for Advocating:

We mustn’t be afraid to speak up if we see something that may need attention.  If a patient appears to be in distress or pain, a call from a watchful volunteer can get the needed professional on the job.   The hospice team’s goal is to help alleviate the family and patient’s stress as much as possible.  We are part of that all-inclusive team!

It’s likely the easiest advocating you’ll ever do since the entire team has only the best interest of the patient and caregivers at heart.  We can be the eyes and ears of the staff.  We are inspired volunteers assisting inspired professionals in providing exceptional end of life care.  That’s Inspiration!   

*names have been changed to protect patient privacy