I am a retired Air Force wife. Forget what the commercials say, because that is the toughest job in the military! You no sooner find yourself transplanted to some foreign land far from friends, family and the English language than they send your husband away for a year or more at a time. Most often you are pregnant when this happens and several major appliances are guaranteed to break down as well as the car, but not until the most recent hurricane has passed and the power has finally returned!
I jest, but only in part. There were also lots of wonderful things about being a military wife like the travel, the food and, most importantly, the friends! We learned to make friends fast and we relied heavily upon each other, forming bonds stronger than most because we were each other's family. And, because of the nature of our husband’s careers, we got a whole new set of friends every year or so!
There are certain friendships though that I can seldom look back on without getting teary-eyed. Those are the friends that were with me through the most stressful times. Those are the friends that in difficult times discerned my needs and set about resolving them often before I even realized what my needs were!
These women knew the truth in the Hindu proverb, “Help your brother’s boat across and your own will reach the shore”.
I’ve tried ever since to be the kind of friend and neighbor and volunteer that notices others’ needs and sets out to help before they ask, or sometimes even before they realize their own needs.
To discern is to see or recognize something that is not immediately clear or obvious. As volunteers we need to be discerning first, of where a patient is in their end-of-life journey. They may be in a stage of grief where they need to vent, or perhaps they may feel the need to plan or they may be in denial and want to discuss anything and everything but their reality. Some days they may need to reminisce and other days discuss their belief system.
Secondly, we need to discern what their physical needs are that day. Things are changing fast for them and so their needs are ever-varying. You can inquire as to how you can assist, but most often you will find that they don’t want to tell you because that is too much like “asking” for help. They are ever so appreciative though when and if you can “discern” their needs and fulfill them! This will require open eyes as you look around their home and open ears as you read between the lines of the conversation. It will also require an open heart as you examine their situation and wonder what you would want or need were the tables turned and you found yourself in their shoes. It may even require an open mind as you appeal to your higher power for inspiration.
While going through some recent trials, I penned this verse which I firmly believe.
Far better than praying for self,
Is when other’s needs we discern,
For when another’s prayers we answer,
Our blessings are multiplied in turn.
There is a secret to being a hospice volunteer. Others wonder how we can deal with such sad situations and spend all of this time around death. They wonder how we can bear to lose so many friends. The secret is, and I think every volunteer will readily admit it- that we get much more out of volunteering than we ever put in to it. That is what keeps us going. That is what keeps us strong enough to continue discerning and fulfilling needs. That’s Inspiration!
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