J is For The Journey of Love - ABC's of Hospice Volunteers

I have never been a caregiver to an aged parent or sick spouse; though I’m sure my time will come.  There is no teacher like experience though and so I feel sometimes that it limits me as a volunteer when I’m trying to empathize with the caregivers I meet. 


I can only imagine what a lonely, scary thing it must be as one is thrust, often quite suddenly, onto this journey that they are totally unprepared for.  For example, there is much research to be done when you are still young and caring for an elderly parent.  After all, what do you know of Medicare part D, incontinence, social security, osteoporosis and such?  Or what does the healthy person know of catheters, bed sores and long term care insurance?


Walking this road of care giving day after day can take a toll on one’s own health as all the time and effort seem to go into the patient’s well-being.  Sleepless nights are compounded by a lack of exercise and of course, the grief that all involved are experiencing.

Oftentimes, one cannot maintain their employment while being a full time caregiver. This can lead down a road of financial strain and even wreckage. 

A person’s social life can be lost by the wayside if they have no respite care and can’t get out of the house to go to lunch, church, work or even the store.  Such isolation is not healthy.


If one has dependent children in the home, things are even more stressful as there simply isn’t time for one person to meet everyone else’s needs.  The caregiver finds him or herself on a path that branches off into several directions, each needing to be traveled now.  The guilt will eat at them as they must choose just one, leaving the others for another day.  Even spouses and grown children can feel neglected in this situation, and often, of necessity, they are!


Is it any surprise that care givers are often more depressed than the sick that they care for or that they have a death rate 63% higher than their peers?


This journey of care giving, however fraught with obstacles, is a true journey of love.  It can bring frustration and fear, but also wonder and fulfillment.  Finding the joy in the journey though, often requires finding help. 


Sometimes you may wonder if the patient you visit really gets much out of your visits, but it may be that the caregiver is the one that needs you most, whether it is for respite care, physical help or just emotional support.


Here are a few ideas for helping the caregiver:
·      Make sure that you ask after the caregiver’s health and well-being.

·         Express your admiration that he/she has willingly taken on this role and stuck with it.

·         Express your understanding of how hard it can be.

·         Allow them time to open up and share the difficult parts.

·         Laugh with them over the humorous aspects of care giving.  

·         Ask how you can lighten their burdens. 

·         Often times, they won’t come up with anything, so mention specifics that you would be delighted to assist with. 

·         Follow through!

·         Let them know how it helps you when they allow you to serve.

We can never alleviate all their stress or make the illness go away, but we can certainly brighten their path and lighten their load as they proceed on this journey of love that we call care-giving.  That’s Inspiration!

Things that were bitter to bear are usually sweet to remember.