G is for Give Them Purpose - ABC's of Inspired Hospice Volunteers

Sometimes as I ponder the sweet souls I’ve met through hospice, I wonder about how my journey on this earth will end.  I can think of nothing worse than to live my final days and years as my grandmother did, considering herself to be nothing more than a burden to others.  She begged God to let her die and join the husbands she’d already buried.   I hope that at the end of my life, I will be as independent as possible, but more importantly, I want to be able to give back and serve others till the day I die.

As their bodies fail them, our patients have been suffering for extended periods before we ever even meet them.  Suffering is a very self-centered activity so anything we can do to help them focus on the needs of others is very beneficial physically and mentally to both them and their families.

I’ve always been impressed by my husband’s grandfather.  His gallant ways bridged the language barrier between us.   He never failed to hold my arm as we crossed the busy streets of Berlin.   I was even more impressed when he found himself in a nursing home in East Germany.  The wall had just come down and things had not yet become “westernized”.  The facilities were wretched and the nurses even more so. 

His attitude saved the day though.  After overcoming the initial shock of finding himself there shortly after the loss of his wife, he took it upon himself to be the gentleman he had always been.  The women in the facility loved him for his attentions and manners!  He had found a purpose for himself and brought light and joy to the lives of others as a result.  He thrived so well there that his health improved enough for him to return home for several more years. 

 How can we as volunteers help the patients we serve feel like they are still contributing members of society through their final days?  I’ve come to the conclusion that we can help some be as independent as possible, but most importantly, I believe that we can help give each of them purpose, even if they are bed ridden.  I believe that everyone of us can learn, teach, grow and give to the very end of our lives.

Sometimes all these patients have left are their mental faculties.  Ask for advice, and seek their wisdom and experience.  If there is anything they do or say that you can learn from and apply to your life, be gracious and let them know.  Ask them to expound upon lessons they’ve learned throughout their lives and tell them how interesting that information is to you.  You may be the beneficiary of gardening tips, parenting advice or ideas on riding out the recession from those that survived the Great Depression!

You may never find an opportunity to use the information you learn from these grand folks, but what a joy it is to see their eyes light up as they share with you.

Are there other ways that they can still feel useful?  Perhaps they can knit or crochet or are willing to learn.  Maybe their creations will go to their family members as a legacy, or maybe they’ll go to the homeless, living on and giving comfort and warmth to the needy after the patient has passed on.  Could they write letters or cards to distant loved ones or soldiers, or could you write those for them?

 We all need to be needed.  Recording a life story can accomplish this.  Many times a patient will tell you that none of their family wants to hear about their life, but remind them that these things often change after we pass.  Perhaps it will be a grandchild or unborn great-grand that will someday cherish this link to their ancestors and learn from their experiences. 

Many people become more spiritual as the physical body declines.  If the patient is a prayerful person, they may benefit from being asked to pray for a certain individual who is in need.  Even the bed bound can do this and it can give them a sense of productivity right into their final hours, shifting their focus off of their own losses.

 Every one of our patients has gifts that can be shared.  Often, they are a buried treasure that we must hunt for.  Once we dig them up and find ways for the patient to share them, they can leave this treasured gift behind as a part of their legacy.   We volunteers can give these folks a sense of purpose and usefulness.  All that is required is our time, attention and a sense of adventure.  That’s Inspiration!

F is also for Fresh Air - ABC's of Inspired Volunteers

Imagine being housebound or bedbound during this glorious spring weather, knowing that it is likely the last spring you’ll ever see on this earth.  For most of our patients, this upcoming holiday is the last one they’ll see and yet they are frustrated and sad because they can’t get out there and enjoy it. 

That is where each of us can be a breath of fresh air.  We can bring the outdoors in.  We can bring the holidays to them.  Whether it be bringing colorful leaves in the fall or potted daffodils in the spring, wearing seasonal clothing or providing seasonal treats that they can share with their visitors, you can make their last seasons enjoyable ones.  

I like to grow baby pumpkins and draw a silly face on each one with the words, “Happy Fall Y’all!”

One patient had raised animals as a girl and was delighted when my kids and I brought our baby chicks for a short visit one spring. 

In February, I brought a recent widower a card and helium balloons and after he signed the valentine card to his beloved wife, we released it to fly up to heaven. 

  What would you want if it were your last season or holiday?  My Grandma desperately wanted a home grown, vine-ripened tomato.  It was such a simple desire, but one she couldn’t fulfill herself from her facility.

Of course, we must be sensitive to allergies, religious observances and personal preferences.  Some people may not enjoy Halloween for instance.  Start by asking questions:  “I saw my first robin of the year today.  What is your favorite part of spring?”  or “Do you have a favorite Halloween memory or costume?”  or “How does your family celebrate Thanksgiving?”  Questions like these enable you to get insight into what they cherish so that you can respond accordingly.

Never underestimate the value in what you do.  You do make a difference in these people’s final days.  You are fabulous, faithful, focused volunteers who forget your own troubles and needs for a time and bring a breath of fresh air as you lose yourselves in service to others.  That’s Inspiration!

F is for Forget Yourself - ABC's of Inspired Hospice Volunteers

When a young man serving in a volunteer assignment overseas got discouraged and wanted to quit, his father wrote him a letter that contained little more than just one piece of advice.  The startled young man applied his father’s words of wisdom and found himself very happy in his volunteer service.

The advice that father wrote to his son?  “Forget yourself and get to work!”

I have found this same advice to be very helpful in my own volunteer work.  At first I felt self-conscious, but I knew that I couldn’t be much use to anyone unless I “got over myself”.  So I learned to take a deep breath, repeat the mantra and dig in, concerned with the needs of the patient, and not what others might think of me.

A person who is feeling self-conscious is overly aware of their own actions and what others might think of them. Being too self-aware can impede one's ability to perform.  The truth, of course, and it's a good thing to keep in mind, is that most people are too busy thinking about themselves to concentrate that much on you. 

As self-consciousness is reigned in, a person gains the ability to lose one's self in service to others.   They find themselves feeling a flow, a state of energized focus or single-minded immersion bringing great joy in their work.  They have become selfless rather than selfish.

So, regardless of who may be listening, if I feel inspired to sing, I sing out!  It’s just me and the patient, and it’s certainly not about me! 

Next time you are feeling uncertain or anxious in your volunteering, try repeating the mantra and then just dig in and take joy.  That's Inspiration!

"I See Dead People!"

I had a blast volunteering at the Junior High Career Fair yesterday, but I had a homemaker handing out fresh-baked homemade cookies on one side of me. The guy with the cool hand cuffs and leg irons (don't call him a bounty hunter or he'll slap them on you) was on the other.  Across the gym was a stunt man doing tricks.  The competition was tough and I had a little trouble attracting the students' attention at first.


Then I started calling out to them as they walked by, "I see dead people!"


That got them there. 

I have teenage sons- I know how to get their attention. 

Of the nearly 400 kids there, I only found one that had any previous notion of what hospice is.


To get to the heart of it quickly, I started by asking them if they were dying, would they rather die alone in a hospital because it is after visiting hours, or would they rather spend their final days at home with their friends, family and pets.  Of course most wanted to be at home.


That gave me the opportunity to tell them that hospice would facilitate that by bringing nurses, medical equipment and whatever else was needed into the home.  I then proceeded to show them some of the things that I do as a volunteer.  They were fascinated with  the enrichment activities for dementia patients. 


Only after they had heard my presentation did I then explain to them about the 11th Hour Program and how we sit with people who are actively dying until they pass. 

They were filled with enough new information to forgive me for tricking them with the "I see dead people" line.  One kid did keep asking if I could see any around us just then, but I eventually got even him on board.

On a final note of course, I told them that even teens can volunteer and how impressive that would look on scholarship applications!