G is for Give Them Purpose - ABC's of Inspired Hospice Volunteers

Sometimes as I ponder the sweet souls I’ve met through hospice, I wonder about how my journey on this earth will end.  I can think of nothing worse than to live my final days and years as my grandmother did, considering herself to be nothing more than a burden to others.  She begged God to let her die and join the husbands she’d already buried.   I hope that at the end of my life, I will be as independent as possible, but more importantly, I want to be able to give back and serve others till the day I die.

As their bodies fail them, our patients have been suffering for extended periods before we ever even meet them.  Suffering is a very self-centered activity so anything we can do to help them focus on the needs of others is very beneficial physically and mentally to both them and their families.

I’ve always been impressed by my husband’s grandfather.  His gallant ways bridged the language barrier between us.   He never failed to hold my arm as we crossed the busy streets of Berlin.   I was even more impressed when he found himself in a nursing home in East Germany.  The wall had just come down and things had not yet become “westernized”.  The facilities were wretched and the nurses even more so. 

His attitude saved the day though.  After overcoming the initial shock of finding himself there shortly after the loss of his wife, he took it upon himself to be the gentleman he had always been.  The women in the facility loved him for his attentions and manners!  He had found a purpose for himself and brought light and joy to the lives of others as a result.  He thrived so well there that his health improved enough for him to return home for several more years. 

 How can we as volunteers help the patients we serve feel like they are still contributing members of society through their final days?  I’ve come to the conclusion that we can help some be as independent as possible, but most importantly, I believe that we can help give each of them purpose, even if they are bed ridden.  I believe that everyone of us can learn, teach, grow and give to the very end of our lives.

Sometimes all these patients have left are their mental faculties.  Ask for advice, and seek their wisdom and experience.  If there is anything they do or say that you can learn from and apply to your life, be gracious and let them know.  Ask them to expound upon lessons they’ve learned throughout their lives and tell them how interesting that information is to you.  You may be the beneficiary of gardening tips, parenting advice or ideas on riding out the recession from those that survived the Great Depression!

You may never find an opportunity to use the information you learn from these grand folks, but what a joy it is to see their eyes light up as they share with you.

Are there other ways that they can still feel useful?  Perhaps they can knit or crochet or are willing to learn.  Maybe their creations will go to their family members as a legacy, or maybe they’ll go to the homeless, living on and giving comfort and warmth to the needy after the patient has passed on.  Could they write letters or cards to distant loved ones or soldiers, or could you write those for them?

 We all need to be needed.  Recording a life story can accomplish this.  Many times a patient will tell you that none of their family wants to hear about their life, but remind them that these things often change after we pass.  Perhaps it will be a grandchild or unborn great-grand that will someday cherish this link to their ancestors and learn from their experiences. 

Many people become more spiritual as the physical body declines.  If the patient is a prayerful person, they may benefit from being asked to pray for a certain individual who is in need.  Even the bed bound can do this and it can give them a sense of productivity right into their final hours, shifting their focus off of their own losses.

 Every one of our patients has gifts that can be shared.  Often, they are a buried treasure that we must hunt for.  Once we dig them up and find ways for the patient to share them, they can leave this treasured gift behind as a part of their legacy.   We volunteers can give these folks a sense of purpose and usefulness.  All that is required is our time, attention and a sense of adventure.  That’s Inspiration!

B is for Belief System - ABC's of Inspired Hospice Volunteers

Belief System can refer to life stance, religion, world view, philosophy or ideology. Think of people you have known throughout your life and you will see that one’s belief system can be a most powerful asset or worst liability. It is made up of a set of core values, on which we tend to base our actions, words and beliefs. It defines us and molds us throughout our lives.
This month we want to focus on the spiritual side of belief systems.

In the medical world, there is little to no room for anything but hard science. In hospice however, we see that anyone giving care to a dying person finds that even the most ordinary things can take on a spiritual nature. Spiritual support is an integral part of a patient’s care.

How can we as volunteers help provide that spiritual support without overstepping bounds?

First, we must respond to patients from their own backgrounds. To do that, we must learn what their background is. Most everyone loves to talk about themselves and this is especially important to someone who is dying as it allows them a bit of a life review as they process the fact that they are indeed at the end of their life. As you get to know a new patient, you can ask gentle questions that give them an avenue to discuss their belief system if they choose. They have to know that you are interested in a non-judgmental way. Recording a patient’s life history, will also likely bring their spiritual beliefs to the forefront.

Once we know what a patient’s background or belief system is, we can be there with them in that place.

It is so important that we never impose our own personal beliefs on patients or families. This can be a delicate thing when we wish to bring them comfort in times of grief, but what succors us may not console another.

Spiritually, everyone has a belief system, even if it is simply that they have no belief in a power higher than themselves. Those that have no higher power can be the hardest to support.

The most gut-wrenching funeral I ever attended was my husband’s grandmother’s in East Berlin not long after the wall fell. Denied freedom of belief system, or religion for so many decades, the young people in the family thought death was simply the end and that they had no hope of seeing her again. They were absolutely devastated by her passing.

We are blessed to live in a time and place where people are allowed the freedom to believe how they wish. We must not do anything to take this freedom away from others.

It is a tragic thing to witness someone in the depths of despair, but all we can do is be with them in their grief and keep the channels of communication open should they desire to explore other ideas.

We have awesome chaplains available to help with patients who are struggling spiritually. Perceptive volunteers will let the staff know when needs are apparent. That’s Inspiration!